Sportsnob – Critics Corner

You know, I dont write here very often, I guess I am rather lazy. A lot of the time, I am much happier off watching the stuff, and when I am not, I am sleeping. Thankfully, today I sat down in front of the telly to watch India vs. South Africa. So I find myself here, writing, thanks to Pat Symcox.

Now, most of you will remember Symcox as that massive South African off-spinner from the nineties. He was a fair bowler, I suppose, but the thing that (I felt) stood out about him was his size. Huge bugger, this fella. Which got me thinking, what happened to all the big men of cricket. I only started following cricket in 1993, but there was a bunch of cricketers who played around that time who were, well, rotund would be the word. Being rather rotund myself, I tend to have a soft spot for these undoubted connoisseurs of a good night out (I imagine). Here are a few that come to mind:

Merv Hughes

This guy was amazing. An Aussie quick in the late 80s and early 90s, Hughes had a walrus moustache and a belly which was, well, rather large. (An understatement, really). He would come steaming in from what appeared to be the boundary and hit the deck pretty hard – a good bowler, most people would concur. It baffles me to think about the stamina he must have had, no doubt camouflaged brilliantly with that beer belly. Hughes is now a national selector and has in fact appeared on reality tv shows built around losing weight.

David Boon

Another player from down under, this Tasmanian batsman was short and, for want of a better word, round. A fantastic bat, he would come in at number three (feel free to correct me) and wear your patience out with his technique. Reminded me of a large teddy-bear. A moustache like a walrus’s too (I think). Plus, the man was an absolute legend for his fielding at silly-point. (Check out this catch for example)

Mike Gatting

If Boonie was a teddy, this guy would be a Panda. The elegant right hander who captained England back in the day had a bit of a reputation when it came to all things sustenance-related. I am not sure if alcohol could be included on that list, so I wont mention it, but prawns definitely were, as most of us found out back in 1993 when the England team played in Madras. If my memory serves me right, he missed part of that match (with Graham Gooch) as a result of eating some questionable prawns before the match. Bless him, the poor sod.

Arjuna Ranatunga

The undisputed king of this lot, in my opinion, Mr.Ranatunga was captain of the fantastic Sri Lankan squad that won the World Cup in 1996. Ranatunga will also be remembered for defending Muralitharan against claims of throwing and of course for pointing out the ancestry of the Australians.

He was a fantastic leader, by all means, but no one rivaled his potbelly. I mean, it was the first thing you noticed about him. One of my favourite cricketers from back then, surprisingly, Ranatunga was a brilliant runner between wickets. Would never exert himself running for obvious singles and then dazzle the fielders with his electric pace in converting that one into a two.

Inzamam-ul-Haq:

Until recently, the man affectionately known as aloo was just that – absolutely ginormous, and that’s an understatement. Inzy is one of the world’s best batsmen, although he has shown a remarkable fondness for getting run out. This has nothing to do with communication and everything to do with something else. It was, and still is, a pleasure to watch him bat, once he gets stuck in, and his repertoire of strokes is brilliant. It used to be more entertaining when he was bigger though, for the simple reason that comedy was always just around the corner. I distinctly recall him running to the same end as another batsman on one occasion. I think an argument ensued, and the other lad had to go, because if Inzy had decided to get violent, he would have been out in more ways than one. Of course, no one can forget what happened in Toronto, when he went after an Indian fan with a cricket bat. Apparently, the fan had the temerity to call him an aloo’. Or something. Considering I called him one earlier in this piece, I’d better go search for my helmet. Or quite possibly a top hat full of chicken tikka (that’ll calm him down nicely) . Anyone who doesn’t remember what happened in Toronto a few years ago, check this out.

Just thought I’d mention, I have nothing against fat people in general. These guys were all good/great cricketers, and I have a lot of respect for them. If you can think of any more anomalies in today’s super-fit game, let me know, because this list is hardly exhaustive, I was given a limit of 5, you see.

Oasisboy

Oasisboy is a fanatical Liverpool fan. He loves beer, Fawlty Towers, Lord of the Rings and well Oasis.

Technorati Tags: Cricket, Hughes, Inzamam, Ranatunga,

Some men you just don’t discount. The Englishmen learnt this lesson at the Adelaide Oval on day five. When the bowler is Shane Warne and the press is going hammer and tongs at him, it is time to be on your guard. Say what you will, but this man is the best of our generation and probably the best bowler of the last 15 years. And as always, a thorn in the side of the English batting line-up.

When Shastri and Sachin were tonking him all over the ground, nobody would have predicted over 600 wickets. But then, nobody knew what the essence of being Warne was. He is a great bowler with many variations but at the core of his success lies his hatred for losing. Connors was probably saying for him, “ I hate the look on the opponent’s face when he beats me”.

After the first innings, many a critic had written Warne off saying he probably did not have enough fuel in the tank to play back to back tests, the Englishmen like Pietersen had figured Warne out, Warne was another Giles and the like. In the final day’s play, Warne showed us what separates him from most players, delivering when it counted. It is true that the batsmen played too defensively but that isn’t Warne’s fault! He bowled tightly, teasing the batsmen, turning deliveries viciously, mixing them up well and being the bowler that the batsmen had nightmares about.

He might no longer be the bowler he was four or five years ago but this man is ageing quite like the Bordeaux reds. He has shown us many times over that he is capable of this kind of performance. I wonder what the critics were thinking writing him off like that. Why would you bet against him? Many a columnist was forced to swallow his words at another famous Australian victory engineered by Warne.

Nanner Nanner, from Shane Warne.

-Prof

The English cricketers, for the first four days of the second test match nearly pulled off a stunt that would have made the above headline impossible. In fact, if someone had asked me on the morning of the fifth day whether there was any other possibility apart from the match petering out to a boring draw, I would have probably put my odds on a Pietersen-fronted all out batting assault for a session and a half, which would have then made way for an exciting last couple of sessions if a couple of Aussie wickets had fallen early. As it turned out, the only thing I was right about was a couple of Aussie wickets falling early (they lost both their openers within the first six overs). Such was the confidence inspired by England’s first innings batting display, that no one in their right cricketing mind would predict that the Poms would score only 70 runs off the 54 overs they faced today, far less an all-out batting collapse. But then, such is cricket.

Apart from the Australian ‘good’ there has been a lot of English ‘bad’ that has contributed to the defeats in the first two tests. For one, the selectors’ inexplicable stupidity in not playing Monty. If they are so intent on playing Giles for the 20 odd runs that he purportedly contributes with the bat, they could have kept him, and ditched the totally out-of-form Jamie Anderson. In any case, England’s past formula of a four-pronged pace attack is not working, so they might well try out a 2-spinner approach; one to bowl outside leg-stump and generally bore batsman out, and the other to bowl teasing flighted deliveries and mesmerize the batsmen into giving up their wickets. That leads us to the second English ‘bad’. It’s more a case of ‘never been worse’ actually – their ‘pace’ attack. The only thing imposing about Harmison these days is his height. James Anderson is bowling like some teenager who is called upon to bowl at batsmen in the nets to give them some morale boost. Freddie Flintoff is still confused whether he is a captain, a fast bowler or an attacking batsman, and until he assures himself that he is all three I don’t see him doing justice to any of them. Hoggard has finally got his wily cutters in place, so that may be some consolation for England.Â

But a few positives have also emerged in these past two tests. Collingwood playing Steve Waugh-esque innings; Pietersen making Shane Warne do a Ashley Giles (bowl a negative leg-stump line), and still managing to thulp him at will. Ian Bell, might have lost a bit of the fluency of the Pak tour, but is still making runs. Most importantly, England have not really been complete doormats that most people expected them to be for these first two tests. And the long break until the third test should give the English team management enough time to read all the things that have been written about what’s going wrong, and allow them to set right at least a few of them. All of which boils down to good stuff for cricket lovers. Expect some bounce in WACA; not just on the pitch, but in the strides of the cricketers, both teams.

Thejaswi Udupa

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